Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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