Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
