I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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