Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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