I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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