Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
That was an excessively violent trivia night
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
