I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
