So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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