she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
