Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
