I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
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Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
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Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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