apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
