the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
