im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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