it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize