Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
