kristin has been a bad kristin
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
