My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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