Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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