i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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