It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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