At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
