I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
