our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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