"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
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Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
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I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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