I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
