Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
