I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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