I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
