One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
