I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
