I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
