I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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