there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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