ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i think i have herpe
just one?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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