dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just want nice things and good sex
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
