that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
