too bad you live with your parents still
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
