I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
