i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
