Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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