ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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