last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
