sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
