I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
