I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
