i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
