I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
