You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
