we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
