insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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