It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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