so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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