I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
