Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
