I just threw up on my dentist
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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