Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
