I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
