so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Even my vagina gasped.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
