Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Hippo gnu deer
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
