using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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