I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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