Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Come back. Shots need mouths.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
