I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
is wine microwaveable?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
