why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
